What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy approach that views people as having different parts within themselves. These parts can be protective or wounded, but all of them are guided by a strong, core Self. Each part of us has a positive intention and plays a role in how we think, feel, and act.
In everyday life, we often talk about these parts, even if we don’t realize it. For example, you might feel torn about going to a movie: One part of you wants to go and spend time with friends, while another part is worried about the cost. Maybe another part prefers to stay home alone, and yet another part doesn’t want to deal with the traffic and parking. All of these parts have their own reasons, and it’s normal to feel conflicted. The goal of IFS is to help bring these parts together so that your core Self can guide the decision-making process in a balanced, healthy way.
The Three Main Parts of IFS
In IFS, there are three main types of parts: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters.
- Exiles
Exiles hold our painful, overwhelming emotions and memories, often from childhood or traumatic events. They carry the distressing feelings we couldn’t process at the time, keeping us from being constantly flooded by them. While they play a vital role in protecting us from overwhelm, these parts can also hold onto the pain. - Managers
Managers are parts of us that work to keep the exiles’ pain hidden and under control. They often run our daily lives and keep things in check. For example, a manager might push you to always look perfect to avoid criticism, protecting an exile that is vulnerable to feelings of shame or abandonment. Managers help us stay functional, but they can sometimes become rigid and controlling. - Firefighters
Firefighters appear when an exile’s pain is triggered and we feel overwhelmed. Their goal is to quickly “put out the fire” of intense emotions, often through reactive, short-term behaviors. These can include things like anger, substance use, binge eating, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms. While firefighters act with good intentions in the moment, they often cause more harm in the long run.
For example, imagine someone criticizes your appearance, triggering a feeling of shame (an exile). To numb the pain, you might drink too much (a firefighter). The drinking might make you feel better temporarily, but it causes more problems later, which is often what leads people to seek therapy.
Embracing the Complexity of the Mind
IFS embraces the complexity of the mind, acknowledging that our inner world is made up of many different parts. While some parts might adopt extreme or opposing positions, the core Self remains untouched and capable of healing. IFS is a powerful therapy because it allows you to connect with these parts and heal the wounded ones, helping you change patterns of negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in your life.
How IFS Can Help You
One common way that IFS helps is by addressing the inner critic—that part of you that constantly judges, criticizes, or disapproves of what you say, do, or feel. It might sound like, “Why did you say that?” or “It’s stupid to feel that way.” Other therapies may try to argue with the inner critic or practice self-compassion to cope, but IFS takes a different approach by getting to the root of the problem.
Through IFS, you can directly connect with the inner critic and other parts in a guided, therapeutic process. This process helps you understand why these parts act the way they do, and in turn, it allows you to heal and shift your relationship with them, leading to lasting change.
Why IFS?
I’m passionate about IFS because it doesn’t just address the symptoms of your struggles—it works with the deeper parts of you to help make lasting change. By getting to know and heal the parts of you that are struggling, IFS helps you move toward a more balanced, peaceful, and whole life.